July 27, 2006

I have a stalker.

Jean-Claude, the radio journalist I met when Bec and I first arrived in Cameroon, gave my phone number to his sister, who is visiting during the break from her studies in France. She calls at least once a day. If the call doesn’t come through, then a text message does. I’ve never met this woman before, and I’m starting to get annoyed at the persistence.

I’m also annoyed at Jean-Claude, but not just for this. He’s now decided that I should help him arrange a major conference involving all the journalists in Yaoundé and every government spokesperson. Specifically, he wants me to rent the hall. What?

Jean-Claude has been very helpful and very welcoming, but now the other shoe has dropped. Now he’s started asking me for things – things I can’t begin to give, nor want to.

I was describing this to an American friend who is helping to develop a digital recording studio in Yaoundé. He said that what usually happens to him is that his friends ask him for something, he says he either can or cannot give what has been asked for, and they move on with the friendship. Last night, I met a Cameroonian guy who’s unemployed and has been for a couple of months. He was playing ultimate Frisbee with a group of Europeans and Americans (including me. What’s happened?). He asked me if I had any little jobs for him to do. I said no. We continued talking about how much fun we just had and said see you next week. End of story.

Dennis, my musical friend, says what’s going on with Jean-Claude is abnormal. I think I may have to end the relationship.

….

I should have a CNS story posted soon about a proposed new election law in Cameroon. Big Paul says he’s going to look into making the electoral process more transparent. I’ll believe it when I see it. After all, he is our president yesterday, today and tomorrow.

But I’ve been thinking more about what Big Paul is. Is he the Godfather or is he the figurehead for a group of powerful interests.

I interviewed the head of the Catholic Church’s Peace and Justice Commission. According to Prof. Pierre Titi Nwel, Big Paul is the big man. He’s the one pulling all the strings and the one who makes all the decisions. The professor went so far as to call him “le parrain” – the godfather in French – and held up a book called “Les parrains de la corruption” – “The Godfathers of Corruption.” From now on, I will refer to Big Paul as the Godfather.

So, that’s two-to-one in favor of the Godfather being the Godfather. Two Cameroonians who are in the know say he is the power, the Italian who monitors the government says the Godfather is merely the face of a wider system.

Is it possible they could both be right?

….

I’ve been amazed at how Cameroon, isolated in Central Africa, ends up at the center of world events. It’s sort of like Canadians and Australians. Whenever something big happens in the world, you’ll hear that a Canadian or Australian was somewhere in the vicinity. Usually they’re not really doing very much to be a part of events. They’re just there. For example, I heard this morning that Australia was pulling its troops out of south Lebanon. Who knew there were Australians there? And why don’t they just sit everyone down, by a few rounds and sort this whole situation out over a few beers. What, you say Hezbollah doesn’t drink? Fine, buy them a couple of Cokes. But I think Australians could get Hezbollah to drink beer. They can be quite persuasive.

Anyway, back to Cameroon.

Do you know who the president of the U.N. Security Council was when the U.S. and Britain went through their kabuki production for an Iraq war resolution? Cameroon.

Do you know which world leader was on a state visit to the U.S. when that war had its inevitable beginning? The Godfather.

Do you know the nationality of the head of the U.N. delegation in Rwanda during the genocide – the entire delegation, not just the peacekeeping force? He was a former foreign minister of Cameroon. And he hates Romeo Dallaire, the Canadian (see, there they are) general in charge of the peacekeeping force. He accuses the general of taking sides in the slaughter. Like this is a bad thing.

By the way, at the end of the Rwandan genocide, when the French army was protecting the surviving leaders of the genocidal regime, they cut a deal with Cameroon – and possibly other francophone countries – to give an easy landing to their friends. My Rwandan friends all say that Cameroon is filled with powerful genocidaires. Emmanuel, the AP correspondent I met last week, says at least one and possibly others have met grizzly, unexplained ends here. But no one knows for sure what happened.

I have an idea. The rumor in Kigali, and I have no reason to say this is definitely true or not, is that the Mossad trained the Rwandan intelligence services after the 1994 genocide. They have a little experience tracking down war criminals and taking them out in questionable fashion.